The Funny Current

is actually a current controlling heart rate.

Ob perks

I giggle inside a little bit everything I think of the fact that all the males in my track have period tracker apps on their phones.

To Do

It’s amazing how quickly showers fall to the bottom of the To-Do list

As cliche as it is…

Man, I have to remember that time is passing whether I’m in a bad mood or not and I need to really live in the moment.

That’s a No and some philosophical regurg

As the end of 3rd year creeps insidiously closer, there’s an overwhelming pressure to figure out exactly what you want to do the next 5 years of my life. It makes me want to have taken philosophy classes so that I could just sit down with some candles and meditate to realize what I want do–who I want to be.

Is this why medical school is traditionally so hard to get into? Because not only do you need top marks, but you have to have done all your soul searching at a tender age?

I’ve been mentally crossing things off my career list, but so far it’s been hazy. I stutter on an off with Surgery and sometimes I go back to the thought of Family Medicine even though I was so scarred by my experience I immediately swore to never go back there. A lot of attendings say that you just know when something clicks, and it’s only happened during this rotation I realize I absolutely loathe Pediatrics.
I’m not even sure what bothers me because I love that they discharge patients so quickly and kids are generally innocent. They don’t scream at you to eat your shit and lie through their teeth. But I just feel like I’m in this constant haze on the floors. And when I get out I feel like I just escaped from jail. So definitely not a good fit.

I’m also not feeling any kind of kinship with my team. Even though surgeons are generally considered assholes, I trusted and enjoyed their company a lot more. (Masichistic much?) I think I also hit the wrong chord with a classmate when I told her my first thought witnessing a c-section was not the beauty of life, but a commentary on the construct of civilization that we humans have set up and how this birth just destroyed it for me.

Time passes too fast. Rather I wish time would just pause for a weekend or something. I haven’t gotten much ahead of me before I need to actually think about who I can ask for letters of recommendation. Jesus, sometimes I’m scared of what kind of person ill be once I won’t have to prostate myself to exams and evaluations.

One of the most common topics heard in the hospital

It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia… commentary later?

Duck, Dive, Dodge…

Always wear the mask with the visor.

I thought it was just a simple stitching of a cut…but I dodged some arterial spray to the face, but the guy behind me wasn’t wearing anything and had to move twice as quickly.

Intra Aortic Balloon Pump

Sometimes, myocardial oxygen demand is higher than supply, leading to ischemia and symptoms of chest pain. How to ameliorate this? Increase supply and decrease demand.

A one-liner in my Anesthesia textbook led me to searching for a video. I think this is succinct and explains the apparatus really well.

Sexist Scrubs

It’s ridiculously sexist that men’s pants have pockets and women’s pants don’t.

I can’t believe this also happens with medical scrubs.

What, women don’t need places to put gauze and scissors?

I hope you people don’t end up in an ER with a female doc wearing your ridiculously underequipped scrubs.

Let me also tell you that back pockets are close to useless. Depending on if you guessed your size-inflated number right, you’ll either be stuffing your hand deep into your sagging butt pocket or trying to wiggle out something that’s compressed to your behind.

Rebound!

We need to remember not to internalize failure. I’m going to make a Marvel reference… you have to be like Havoc (Cyclops’ brother), get blasted with critique and mess up, learn from it, don’t mess up again, and blast it out. You didn’t know how to get records faxed? Well now you’re the king/queen of requesting records. You forgot to ask about someone’s last menstrual period? Well now all your female patients aged 10-80 get asked. Not only do you say hi to your patients, you say good morning to everyone on your way to the patient’s room, and try to remember a few people’s names on the way. If need be, know ONE football player’s name and complain about how he could have made a better play. You’ll probably be right half the time.

Image

Image

Gosh, just have to keep this image in my head everytime I feel down and stupid because I didn’t think about the next step.

Dust to Dust

It seems like you can take on 1 of 2 attitudes when you’re working in a hospital– either good that you’re helping people, or a bit morose because you’re really being faced with an existential crisis everyday.

The first patient I was responsible for at this current hospital arrived as a very sick man. He was unlikely to do well purely because of a flagrant cancer that hadn’t been responding to treatment. Amazingly, he’s stuck around for almost 2 weeks, but at this point we’re discussing how to make his last moments peaceful. Having to go in every morning to check on this man always made me think of how we’re all ultimately going to die. Dust to Dust, right? No matter how high you “ascend” in life with your wealth, status, power, it doesn’t mean anything because when you get sick, you’ll be just as unkempt, smelly, undignified, and ill as anyone else. You start to go down the line of, “what’s the point?” And this must be what severely depressed people think about all the time.

(I can’t help but think of this funny story told at a contest… a man is describing how he and his friend always go to Pizza Hut, obviously for pizza. One day, he goes and asks for his usual, and the waitress says, “I’m sorry, but we’re out of pizza today”. The man just looks at her, completely side-lined, and takes a good look around the room, seeing a multitude of people similarly confused. And he starts to ask himself, “Why am I here? Why are any of us here … ” )

On the other hand, you’ve got people boasting about saving the day, or salvaging a lab value on a patient. Maybe they’re at peace with the idea that death is a great equalizer and you don’t take anything with you when you’re on your way out. Or is that a result of not thinking about it too much? It wouldn’t surprise me that there is a subconscious protective reflex built into us.

I think I’m just noticing this more because I’ve never had to spend any time in a hospital as a patient. Hospitals are kind of grisly. Yes, there is a lot of healing and miraculous recoveries, but ultimately it’s a place where for sick people. Another plus for Preventative medicine.

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